I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
