3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
