Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
