i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
