Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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