roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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