my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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