i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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