Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
