I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize