HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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