I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
