I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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