Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
