Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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