as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
