i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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