I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
