I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
