The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
