so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize