so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
