I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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