Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
