I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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