Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
