Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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