I got chris browned last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
