I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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