If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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