we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
