you have to choose: penises or morals?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize