meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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