just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
