Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
