my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
