Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
