she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
