This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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