you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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