Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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