they need to just BURY HIM!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
