Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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