arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
