she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
