Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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