I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
