I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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