I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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