I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize