I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I lost the right to judge tonight
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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