we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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