My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
