Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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