I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
