I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize