the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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