The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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