I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
