Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
