Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
