I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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