I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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