3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
