the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
