after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize