In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
