I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize