while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
