i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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