Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
