He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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