Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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